A 4-Step Method for Handling Personal Challenges
I don’t know why that struck me wrong initially. “Get over it.” Really? If knew how I could get over it, I would be over it and I wouldn’t be listening to this stuff right now.
And so they said, “Just get over it. Just get over it.”
This morning I was flipping through podcasts as I often do as part of my research, I came across someone I don’t normally listen to. But they said they had the one-step, the one thing that we need to do to handle this situation we’re going through better or any difficult situation but particularly about the whole virus happening in the world right now.
So of course, I’m leaning in like, “You’ve got the answer to the one thing? Let me know I am ready!”
For me, I’ve needed to be taught techniques and given instructions on how to get over things. As you know, I’ve had a lot of opportunity to practice getting over stuff. So I do want to share with you the technique I use the most and it’s four quick steps.
It’s an acronym and so easy to remember. I learned this from my coach and I can’t think of a day that I don’t run it through when I encounter something that feels uncomfortable, different, or even unsafe. The acronym is RAIN.
R – Recognize
The first step in dealing with anything is to recognize that you’re going through something. Our body has these natural red flags that tell us something has changed or things just got real. Some people break out in red splotches, get a rash, get hot, or the hair on the back of your neck stands up. It’s important to know what your tells are so you know…
“Hey, I need to get a hold of my head or I might go down a rabbit hole that I really should stay away from.”
If you don’t control your mind, your mind will control you and determine the quality of your life. So this process is the one I use the most to keep control of it. Recognize that something is going on recognize that I’m having a reaction. I’m uncomfortable. I’m not feeling safe. I’m pissed off. Whatever it is, just recognize it.
A – Accept.
Accept it. Accept how you’re feeling about the thing you’re reacting to. I have found over the course of my life that my expectations of myself are very high. If I am thinking like a jerk, if I’m thinking what I consider to be “stinkin thinkin”, I don’t accept that. I tell myself, “Kimrey, you shouldn’t be feeling that way.”, “You shouldn’t be thinking like that.”, “Come on, get your head out of your you know what.” That A is for accepting.
Accept that you’re human, accept that you’re going to have emotions and feelings.
Be accepting of yourself, be kind to yourself, and don’t judge yourself for the immediate reaction that you’re having to a situation.
Situations are bad, you’re human, just be accepting of yourself.
I – Investigate
Once I’ve recognized that something is happening and once I’ve accepted whatever emotions or feeling I’m having , then I’m going to investigate the situation.
Let me find the facts, guys. All thoughts are not truths. Feelings are not facts. They are your brains responses to a situation and often times, they will slant towards the negative approach. They will slant towards negativity.
- “Is my life in danger?”
- “What’s really going on ?”
- “Why am I feeling this way?”
- “Do I know why I’m feeling this?”
- “Am I sad or am I feeling ashamed or embarrassed?”
- “What’s everything I know about the situation?”
Do it with kindness and care for yourself. Investigate what you’re going through.
N – Neutralize
Take the wind out of those sails, take the zap, take the energy, take the power surge out of it. It just doesn’t have a place in this.
In order to problem-solve, I need to call on the right parts of my brain. It’s the bigger part of my brain that does all that problem solving. It’s those little tiny parts that are the fight-or-flight mechanisms, but they’re super strong.
R – Recognize
A – Accept
I – Investigate
N – Neutralize
If I genuinely with self-compassion walk through those four steps, I instantly feel relief. I may not have the solution. I may not know how to solve the problem I’m having right then but my mind, my body, my soul, my spirit, and everything is just more prepared to problem-solve. It gets me out of that reaction, emotion, and feelings cesspool that we get stuck in when something really matters to us and not going our way.
So just keep in mind, what’s happening to you, just happens to be happening to you. It doesn’t define you and it’s not who you are.
It’s just something that you’re going through. If you can find a process that can help you be successful in this space by all means share it with me, but RAIN is the one that really changed my life a couple years ago, and man, I use it all the time. So hope that helps somebody out there today.
Hope you all have a great day. Bye. Bye.